Theft by Deception

Today I was on the streetcar with my head buried in a book when I smelled the best thing to ever enter my nostrils. Without looking up, I sat there silently taking it in for 5 minutes, cursing the cheap ass for making me smell his goodies without so much as even an offer. If this were my home town, I would have been offered a bite! Why do I even bother to live n the city, I wondered. 

At the next stop I looked over in preparation to sneak past my snacking neighbour and noticed that he was none other than a homeless, senior citizen peeling apart the biggest, grossest, egg I’ve ever seen. He was only eating the shells and his hands were greasy down to the wrist. As I squeezed passed him he turned around and screamed “Fuck mumble mumble mothers cunt” at everybody as pieces of egg spewed from his mouth on to the  floor by my shoe. 

Be careful what you wish for kids.